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Film Quotes by Stan Laurel

45 quotes
Pardon Us
Year: 1931

Director:
James Parrott
Pardon Us
Oliver: Well here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.
Stanley: What do you mean I got you into?
Oliver: Well, you sold that policeman that bottle of beer, didn't you?
Stanley: I thought he was a streetcar conductor.
-- Stan Laurel in Pardon Us (1931)
Nothing But Trouble
Year: 1944

Director:
Sam Taylor
Nothing But Trouble
Oliver: Well, there's nothing to it. All you have to do is look the lion straight in the eyes. Lions are afraid of that. I read that in a book.
Stan: But did the lion read the book?
-- Stan Laurel in Nothing But Trouble (1944)
Brats
Year: 1930

Director:
James Parrott
Brats
Ollie Jr.: [after being warned for the last time to be quiet] Let's play hide and seek!
Stan Jr.: You're it.
Ollie Jr.: No, you're it!
Stan Jr.: No, you're it!
Ollie Jr.: No, you're it!
Stan Jr.: [crying loudly] I don't want to be it! WAH!
[throws a tantrum]
-- Stan Laurel in Brats (1930)
Brats
Year: 1930

Director:
James Parrott
Brats
Ollie Sr.: [singing softly] Go to sleep, my ba-a-a-by, my ba-a-a-by, my ba...
Stan Sr.: [interrupting loudly] MY BA-A-ABY!
[kids wake up with a shocked start]
-- Stan Laurel in Brats (1930)
Brats
Year: 1930

Director:
James Parrott
Brats
Ollie Sr.: If you brats don't get to bed, I'll break your necks!
Stan Sr.: Shh. Don't talk to them like that. Treat them with kindness. You'll get more out of them. Remember the old adage, you can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.
-- Stan Laurel in Brats (1930)
Brats
Year: 1930

Director:
James Parrott
Brats
Ollie Sr.: What's all this racket about?
Ollie Jr.: [in a plaintive whiny "poor me" tone of voice] He hit me!
Stan Jr.: I did not! He hit m-
[taking his hand out of the covers to try to point to Ollie Jr., then realizing with extreme chagrin that he still has the boxing glove on. He hastily slips his hand out of the glove and then half-heartedly points a bare finger at Ollie Jr., knowing that his complaint/accusation won't hold much water now that the fathers have seen the boxing glove and thus will suspect that Stan had been doing some hitting himself]
Stan Jr.: - He...
-- Stan Laurel in Brats (1930)
Their Purple Moment
Year: 1928

Director:
James Parrott*Fred Guiol
Their Purple Moment
Ollie: - She found by hideout - she's a bloodhound...
Mr. Pincher: - My wife'll never find mind - I'm a weasel...
-- Stan Laurel in Their Purple Moment (1928)
Any Old Port
Year: 1932

Director:
James W. Horne
Any Old Port
Ollie: [after girl runs upstairs crying] What seems to be the trouble?
Mugsie Long, proprietor of Ye Mariner's Rest: Ha ha ha ha. She's crying with happiness. She's gonna be married.
Ollie: Who's the lucky fellow?
Mugsie Long, proprietor of Ye Mariner's Rest: I am.
Stan: [after a great big double take] Can you beat that?
Ollie: What?
Stan: What a terrible cats-after-me.
-- Stan Laurel in Any Old Port (1932)
Another Fine Mess
Year: 1930

Director:
James Parrott
Another Fine Mess
Ollie: Agnes, call me a cab.
Stan: Huh?
Ollie: Call me a cab.
Stan: You're a cab.
-- Stan Laurel (as Stan) in Another Fine Mess (1930)
Beau Hunks
Year: 1931

Director:
James W. Horne
Beau Hunks
Ollie: Didn't I just tell you I was going to be married?
Stan: Who to?
Ollie: Why, a woman of course. Did you ever hear of anybody marrying a man?
Stan: Sure.
Ollie: Who?
Stan: My sister.
-- Stan Laurel (as Stan) in Beau Hunks (1931)