Judy: Don't hurt Melvin!
Mr. Schneider: Hurt him! I'll rip his ears off!

- Les Tremayne in I Love Melvin (1953)

Judy: Harry Flack is coming to dinner Monday night.
Melvin: Oh. Well, that's simple. Poison him.
Judy: He wants to talk to Pop! He's going to propose!
Melvin: Propose! To your father?

- Donald O'Connor in I Love Melvin (1953)

Judy: I...I love Melvin!

- Debbie Reynolds in I Love Melvin (1953)

Judy: They want me to marry Harry Flack!
Melvin: Judy, you can't! I - I love you, Judy!
Judy: Shh...Melvin...
Melvin: You're not gonna do it, are you?
Judy: Well, you see...
Melvin: Because if you do it, I'll be very frank about this, Judy. If you do it, I'll kill myself!
Judy: Melvin! Stop it!
Melvin: I mean it! Judy, you know how I feel! I'd do anything for you! I'd rob a bank, I'd take a rocket to the moon, anything! Just ask me!
Judy: Put me on the cover! My picture, on the cover of the magazine!
Melvin: Judy, I said I'd kill myself or take a rocket to the moon, but don't ask the impossible!

- Donald O'Connor in I Love Melvin (1953)

Mrs. Schneider: Judy! Come on, get up! It's late! JUDY!
Judy: Aw, Mom, Bob Taylor was just saying something important!
Mrs. Schneider: Oh, come on!
Judy: Oh, just five minutes! Maybe I can dream him back!

- Debbie Reynolds in I Love Melvin (1953)

Mergo: [About Melvin] The last I saw him, he was going to throw himself off a tall building.
Judy: Oh no!
Mergo: Oh, he didn't do it. I'd 've heard from his first.
Judy: How do you know?
Mergo: He promised me the shot!

- Jim Backus in I Love Melvin (1953)

Mergo: It'll work! You know, I wouldn't do this for a friend of mine. He might get in trouble. With you, I don't care.

- Jim Backus in I Love Melvin (1953)

Mergo: What are you grinning about?
Melvin: Oh, nothing, just happy.
Mergo: Well, don't let me catch you being happy around me!

- Jim Backus in I Love Melvin (1953)

Mergo: You got a cover idea? What is it?
Melvin: A girl!
Mergo: Oh joy! Now THERE is an earth-shaking notion! A girl on the cover of a magazine! They'll go mad, I tell you, mad!
Melvin: But this girl's different!
Mergo: What's she got, three eyes?

- Jim Backus in I Love Melvin (1953)

Mr. Prouty: Are you drunk, Mr. Schneider?
Mr. Schneider: Forget that "Schneider" bit! I've just been to court changing my name to "LeRoy"!
Mr. Prouty: Splendid. Are you drunk, Mr. LeRoy?

- Les Tremayne in I Love Melvin (1953)