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Gwendolyn Pigeon:
It's like Equatorial Africa on our side of the building.
Cecily Pigeon: Well, last night it was so bad, Gwen and I sat there in Nature's own cooling ourselves in front of the open fridge. Can you imagine such a thing? Oscar Madison: Well, I'm working on it. [laughter from the ladies] Gwendolyn Pigeon: Actually, it's impossible to get a night's sleep. Ces and I really don't know what to do about it. Oscar Madison: Why don't you sleep with an air conditioner? Gwendolyn Pigeon: Well, we haven't got one. Oscar Madison: I know, but we have. [more peals of laughter from the ladies]
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Walter Matthau
(as Oscar Madison)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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Roy:
[sniffs] What's the smell? Disinfectant?
[smells his cards] Roy: It's the cards. He washed the cards. [gets up from the table] Roy: I'm getting out of here. I can't stand any more. Oscar Madison: Wait a minute, Roy. Where are you going? Roy: I've been sitting here, breathing cleaning fluid and ammonia for three hours! Nature didn't intend for poker to be played like that. [leaves]
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David Sheiner
(as Roy)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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Roy:
What if he's laying in a gutter somewhere ? Who would know who he is?
Oscar Madison: He's got 92 credit cards in his wallet. The minute something happens to him, America lights up.
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Walter Matthau
(as Oscar Madison)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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Sports Writer:
Well, that's the ballgame.
Oscar Madison: It's not over yet. Sports Writer: Bases loaded, Mazeroski up, ninth inning - you expect the Mets to hold a one-run lead? Oscar Madison: What's the matter? You've never heard of a triple play?
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Walter Matthau
(as Oscar Madison)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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Felix Ungar:
[in the meat department of the supermarket, to the butcher] I'd like, uh, fresh ground.
Butcher: [pointing to the package of hamburger in Felix's hand] That's fresh. Felix Ungar: That's not fresh. That's packaged. I want fresh. Butcher: How much? Felix Ungar: Four pounds. Exactly. [the butcher gives him a weird look, then turns away to get his hamburger]
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Jack Lemmon
(as Felix Ungar)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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Felix Ungar:
[serving refreshments at the poker game] Cold glass of beer for Roy...
Roy: Thank you. Felix Ungar: Where's your coaster? Roy: My what? Felix Ungar: Your coaster. The little round thing that goes under the glass. Roy: I think I bet it. Oscar Madison: [tosses the coaster back to Roy] Here, here, here. I knew I was winning too much! Here. Felix Ungar: Always try to use your coasters, huh, fellas? A scotch and a little bit of water... Speed: Scotch and a little bit of water and I have my coaster. Felix Ungar: I don't want to be a pest, but you know what glasses can do. Oscar Madison: [under his breath] They leave little rings on the table. Felix Ungar: They leave little rings on the table! Oscar Madison: [under his breath] And we don't want little rings on the table.
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Walter Matthau
(as Oscar Madison)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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Walter Matthau
(as Oscar Madison)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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Felix Ungar:
I put order in this house. For the first time in months, you're saving money. You're sleeping on clean sheets. You're eating hot meals for a change and I did it.
Oscar Madison: Yes, that's right. And then at night after we've had your halibut steak and your tartar sauce, I have to spend the rest of the evening watching you Saran Wrap the leftovers.
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Walter Matthau
(as Oscar Madison)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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Felix Ungar:
I was just repeating what I thought you said.
Oscar Madison: Well, don't repeat what you THOUGHT I said, repeat what I said! My god, that's irritating!
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Walter Matthau
(as Oscar Madison)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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Felix Ungar:
I'll be in the way.
Gwendolyn Pigeon: How could you possibly be in anyone's way? Oscar Madison: You want to see a typewritten list? Gwendolyn Pigeon: Oh, haven't you said enough already?
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Carole Shelley
(as Gwendolyn Pigeon)
in
The Odd Couple
(1968)
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