Film Quotes by Groucho Marx

Manicurist: Did you want a manicure?
Otis B. Driftwood: No, come on in.

Woman Shopper: [to Flywheel lying on a bed] Can you tell me the price of this bed?
Wolf J. Flywheel: $8000
Shopper: Why that's preposterous! I can get the same bed anywhere in town for $25.
Wolf J. Flywheel: Yes, but not with me in it!

[after taking his watch from under Steinberg's gaze and tossing it in a wash basin]
Dr. Hackenbush: I'd rather have it rusty than missing.

[Answering telephone]
Hammer: Hello? Yes? Ice water in 318? Is that so? Where'd you get it? Oh, you want some.

[answering the phone in Firefly's office]
Chicolini: Hello? No, not yet. All right, I tell him. Good-a-bye.
[He hangs up]
Chicolini: That was for you again.
Rufus T. Firefly: I wonder whatever became of me? I should have been back here a long time ago.

[Dr. Hackenbush is pointing to a portrait of one of Judy's parents]
Dr. Hackenbush: You know, I proposed to your mother once.
Judy: But that's my father!
Dr. Hackenbush: No wonder he turned me down.

[Driftwood agrees to read the contract to Fiorello]
Otis B. Driftwood: All right, I'll read it to you. Can you hear?
Fiorello: I haven't heard anything yet. Did you say anything?
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, I haven't said anything worth hearing.
Fiorello: Well, that's-a why I didn't hear anything.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, that's why I didn't say anything.

[Finding Emile J. Keck in Johnny Dalton's bath tub]
Mr. Kofer: Well, I like THIS!
Emile J. Keck: You do? Well, join me!

[Fiorello and Driftwood go over the first clause of their contract]
Otis B. Driftwood: Now pay particular attention to this first clause because it's most important. It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part." How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?
Fiorello: No, that's no good.
Otis B. Driftwood: What's the matter with it?
Fiorello: I dunno. Let's hear it again.
Otis B. Driftwood: It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part."
Fiorello: That sounds a little better this time.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?
Fiorello: Er... just the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: What do you mean? The... the party of the first part?
Fiorello: No, the first part of the party of the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: All right. It says the, uh, "The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract..." look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

[Fiorello and Driftwood go over the second clause of their contract]
Otis B. Driftwood: Now, it says, uh, "The party of the second part shall be known in this contract as the party of the second part."
Fiorello: Well, I don't know about that...
Otis B. Driftwood: Now what's the matter?
Fiorello: I no like-a the second party, either.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, you should of come to the first party. We didn't get home 'til around four in the morning. I was blind for three days!