Joanna Wallace: [referring to a pair of newlyweds seated in the back of a Rolls Royce] They don't look very happy.
Mark Wallace: Why should they? They just got married.

- Albert Finney (as Mark Wallace) in Two for the Road (1967)

Joanna Wallace: [upset] You just want me to become a beautiful memory, the sooner the better!
Mark Wallace: Who said anything about beautiful?

- Albert Finney (as Mark Wallace) in Two for the Road (1967)

Ruth Manchester: [after Howard knocks the luggage off the top of the car by driving into a low beam carport] Daddy, did you do that on purpose?
Howard Manchester: No, Ruthie, I didn't. No, I did not. No, Ruthie. No.

- William Daniels (as Howard Manchester) in Two for the Road (1967)

Mark Wallace: [Joanna has returned from an affair] Hello.
Joanna Wallace: Hello.
Mark Wallace: Well?
Joanna Wallace: [softly, on the verge of tears] I'm back.
Mark Wallace: Enjoy yourself?
Joanna Wallace: [nods] Yes, thank you. But I *missed* you.
[Mark sarcastically rolls his eyes, not believing her]
Joanna Wallace: But I *did*.
Mark Wallace: Why?
Joanna Wallace: Because he's so serious.
Mark Wallace: I thought you liked people who were serious.
Joanna Wallace: But he's *so* serious.
Mark Wallace: Well, I'd better make some funny faces...
Joanna Wallace: [softly] You don't need to make funny faces.
[Mark gives no response]
Joanna Wallace: Mark, I'm back!
Mark Wallace: You humiliated me. You humiliate me... and then you come back.
Joanna Wallace: [nods tearfully] That's right.
Mark Wallace: Thank God!
[he hugs her and they tearfully kiss]

- Albert Finney (as Mark Wallace) in Two for the Road (1967)

Mark Wallace: [Mark and Joanna's car is on fire] Water!
Joanna Wallace: Oh! But where?
Mark Wallace: Find some!
Joanna Wallace: Here, here.
[she hands Mark a bottle of water]
Mark Wallace: [he pours the water on the engine]
Joanna Wallace: Oh! It likes water!

- Audrey Hepburn (as Joanna Wallace) in Two for the Road (1967)

Mark Wallace: Are you a virgin?
[Joanna seems shocked by the question]
Mark Wallace: I was for two years at the University of Chicago.
Joanna Wallace: Studying virgin detection?

- Audrey Hepburn (as Joanna Wallace) in Two for the Road (1967)

Mark Wallace: Darling, what's French for 'Inspector, I don't believe a word you're saying and you're not gonna get a damn penny?'
Joanna Wallace: 'Oui, monsieur.'

- Audrey Hepburn (as Joanna Wallace) in Two for the Road (1967)

Mark Wallace: If there's one thing I really despise, it's an indispensable woman.

- Albert Finney (as Mark Wallace) in Two for the Road (1967)

Mark Wallace: It's really meant for photographing three-dimensional objects.
Joanna Wallace: I'm three dimensional, as a matter of fact.

- Audrey Hepburn (as Joanna Wallace) in Two for the Road (1967)

Mark Wallace: Just wish that you'd stop sniping.
Joanna Wallace: I haven't said a word!
Mark Wallace: Just because you use a silencer doesn't mean you're not a sniper.

- Albert Finney (as Mark Wallace) in Two for the Road (1967)