Film Quotes by William Demarest

Sgt. Heppelfinger: It's an honor to meet you, kid. What's your name?
Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith. Go ahead and laugh.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: That ain't anything to laugh at to anyone who knows anything.

Sgt. Heppelfinger: They say opportunity's only got one hair on his head and you gotta grab it while it's going by and dog it down or you mightn't get another chance.

Sgt. Heppelfinger: We're just a little bit short of cash, see...
Cafe Owner: Uh, uh.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: ...or I'd never make you this proposition.
Cafe Owner: Ho, ho.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: I was going to save it for the museum, see, but when you're out on a limb you gotta make sacrifices, that's all. You follow me?
Cafe Owner: I'm ahead of you.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: I'm gonna let you in on the ground floor of something very, very rare. You remember when General Yamatoho committed hari-kari?
Cafe Owner: Possibly.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: I happened to be very close by, see.
[winks, indicates he pulled out one of Yamatoho's teeth and shows the very large elk's tooth he got from one of the other Marines]
Cafe Owner: Big man, wasn't he?
Sgt. Heppelfinger: Immense! This is one of the rarest mementos...
Cafe Owner: [as he pulls a large Japanese flag out of his coat] You wouldn't like to buy the flag they buried him in, would you? I could let you have it very reasonable.
[pulls out another flag]
Cafe Owner: I have it in several sizes.
[begins to pull other items out of his coat pockets]
Cafe Owner: MacArthur's suspenders! The first bullet that landed in Pearl Harbor... you can take your pick. A piece of a Japanese submarine.
[turns the piece of metal over]
Cafe Owner: If you look at it this way it becomes a German submarine.
[turns the piece again]
Cafe Owner: And this way it's a piece of a shell that just missed Montgomery! Here we have the seat of Rommel's pants. And last, but not least, we have a button from Hitler's coat... although that one I don't personally believe.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: Wise guy.

Emmy: That's not being very helpful.
Constable Kockenlocker: What do you want me to do? Learn to knit?

Cabot Young: You must have missed!
Campbell: Naw, we just killed the same one twice!
[takes aim and shoots Indian off his pony with one shot]
Campbell: See what I mean?

Murray Sinclair: Barney heard you'd been shot up. He asked after ya.
Bill Dansing: Yeah, he seemed mighty disappointed when he heard you wasn't buried yet.

Murray Sinclair: What's the matter with you, Bill?
Bill Dansing: I don't like your friends, Murray... Rebstock... Du Sang. I know that Whitey. He's as cruel as a soft-nosed bullet. He'd shoot a dyin' man just to see him sqirm.

Stewart: Good morning, sir. Fruit, cereal, bacon and egg, egg and sausage, sausage and hot cake, hot cake and ham, ham and egg, egg and bacon, bacon and...
Muggsy: Give me a spoonful of milk, a raw pigeon's egg, and four houseflies. If you can't catch any, I'll settle for a cockroach.