Film Quotes by Don Knotts

Heavyset Man at Police Station: Yeah Luther, what you gonna do about it?
Luther Heggs: [after a pause] Why don't you run up an alley and holler fish?

Suzanna Blush: It's Calver Weems! He's DEAD! He's been MURDERED!
Luther Heggs: Well don't panic! DON'T PANIC!
Suzanna Blush: Oh Luther! Luther! It was terrible! He was walking along the streen when: BANG! Right on the head!
[points to 2x4]
Suzanna Blush: With that!
Luther Heggs: Well did you see who did it?
Suzanna Blush: No, it was just: BANG! Right on the head! With that!
Luther Heggs: Well I'll just get a picture of it. Lets see... f32... and it's dark, it's been rainin'... and uh... Oh for heaven's sake STAND BACK Suzanna! Stand back! Get out of the way! And for heaven's sake don't TOUCH anything! This is all EVIDENCE!
Suzanna Blush: He was just walking down the street when: BANG! Right on the head!
Luther Heggs: All right, I'll get a picture of the murder weapon...
Suzanna Blush: BANG! Right on the head! I was just getting ready to brush my teeh and watch Lawrence Welk, then I looked out the window and: BANG...
Luther Heggs: For heaven's sake Suzanna pull yourself together! I'm goin down to the Police Station! Now you get on the phone and call my editor!
Suzanna Blush: WHO?
Luther Heggs: George Beckett! tell him to get down to the police station as soon as possible! And for heaven's sakes, whatever you do, KEEP your HEAD!

Bessie Limpet: Henry, am I the widow of a man or the wife of a fish?
Henry Limpet: Well, let's be logical, Bessie. You can't very well keep me in the bathtub, can you?

Henry Limpet: Doesn't it kind of give you a thrill of hope, George?
George Stickel: Hope for what, Henry?
Henry Limpet: Well, with the war in Europe and new weapons being invented all the time, why, what if men were actually foolish enough to destroy themselves completely? Then, you see, the fish in the ocean would develop into a new race of men, and, well, this time they might turn out better, you see?

Henry Limpet: I wish, I wish I were a fish.

Luther Heggs: [after being heckled as he walks to his car] All right, you two guys! You'd just better watch it. You see these two hands? They're just as hard as steel!
Heavyset Man at Police Station: Hey, look at him, Billy Ray. He's a karate champion! We'd better watch ourselves.
Billy Ray Fox: Yeah, go ahead, Luther!
Heavyset Man at Police Station: Do something!
Luther Heggs: [chickens out] Why don't you run up an alley and holler fish!

Luther Heggs: Calm? Do "murder" and "calm" go together? Calm and murder? Murder?

Luther Heggs: I guess if you cut me, I'd bleed ink.

Luther Heggs: It was terrible. It was just terrible. I'll never get over it as long as I live.

Luther Heggs: Mr. Boob, that's me. B double O B - boob!