Captain Keene: [news of the native revolt arrives] What do you intend to do, sir? Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: Do? Do? We're British. We won't do anything... Major Shorthouse: ...until it's too late. Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: Exactly. That's the first sensible thing you've said all day. - Sid James in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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Captain Keene: Fire at will! Brother Belcher: Poor old Will, why do they always fire at him? - Peter Butterworth in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: [brushing off a collapsed ceiling] Oh dear! I seem to have got a little plastered! - Joan Sims in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: [watching polo game] Ooh, I say! He did not 'alf crack that one, did he not? Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: Dearest, if you can't express yourself in more elegant terms, kindly shut your cakehole - Sid James in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: [Watching a game of Polo in India, 1895] Good shot! Well done, Phillip! He'll do well that boy, if he marries well... - Sid James in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: Tell Major Shorthouse to call me an elephant. Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: He needn't bother I'll do it. You're an elephant! - Joan Sims in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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Brother Belcher: [looking directly at the camera] Of course, they're all completly mad, you know! - Peter Butterworth in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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Brother Belcher: Don't worry - we'll save you some Strawberry Mousse! - Peter Butterworth in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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Brother Belcher: I've never ridden in a cart pulled by cows before. Captain Keene: Bullocks, Mr Belcher! Brother Belcher: No, I haven't, honestly. - Peter Butterworth in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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The Khasi of Kalabar: [Lady Ruff Diamond has the photograph] I must take that with me now Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: Then take me with it The Khasi of Kalabar: But what about your husband? Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: Oh, we don't want him! The Khasi of Kalabar: Will he not be displeased that you come away with me? Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: Oh, of course [tearful] Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: My poor Sidney will be ever so upset! The Khasi of Kalabar: Oh, do not worry unduly, before many days he and the others will all be dead Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: [happy] Oh well, that's alright then, innit! - Joan Sims in Carry On up the Khyber (1968)

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