Constable Kockenlocker: [to his 14-year-old daughter, gruffly but jokingly] Listen, Zipper-puss! Some day they're just gonna find your hair ribbon and an axe someplace. Nothing else! The Mystery of Morgan's Creek!

- William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)

Constable Kockenlocker: Daughters. Phooey.

- William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)

Constable Kockenlocker: The trouble with kids is they always figure they're smarter than their parents - never stop to think if their old man could get by for 50 years and feed 'em and clothe 'em - he maybe had something up here to get by with - things that seem like brain twisters to you might be very simple for him.

- William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)

Emmy: [on taking out $900 from the bank in the middle of the night] It might be wrong but it would be very handy.

- Diana Lynn (as Emmy Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)

Emmy: If you don't mind my mentioning it, Father, I think you have a mind like a swamp!

- Diana Lynn (as Emmy Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)

Emmy: That's not being very helpful.
Constable Kockenlocker: What do you want me to do? Learn to knit?

- William Demarest (as Constable Edmund Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)

Norval Jones: W-what was his first name?
Trudy Kockenlocker: You mean Ratzkywatzky?
Norval Jones: N-n-naturally.
Trudy Kockenlocker: Does he have to have a first name?
Norval Jones: Of course he has to have a first name. Everybody has a first name. Even dogs have first names, even if they don't have any last names.
Trudy Kockenlocker: Well, I don't know. I had an uncle named Roscoe.
Norval Jones: Roscoe, Roscoe, he eats them alive!
Trudy Kockenlocker: What?
Norval Jones: That - that's a snake eater's name.
Trudy Kockenlocker: Well, it was my uncle's name.
Norval Jones: Well, how about Hugo?
Trudy Kockenlocker: Oh, phooey!
Norval Jones: Well, how about Otis? That was...
Trudy Kockenlocker: Oh, phooey!
Norval Jones: That was my father's name.
Trudy Kockenlocker: Oh, I'm sorry.
Norval Jones: Well, it doesn't matter. You can call him Montmorency for all I care.
Trudy Kockenlocker: Oh, phooey!
Norval Jones: Well, what goes good with Ratzkywatzky?
Trudy Kockenlocker: Nothing!
Norval Jones: How about Ignatz?
Trudy Kockenlocker: Ignatz? You'd have to take a b-b-bicarbonite with that.
Norval Jones: Ignatz Ra-ra-ratzkywatzky. That - that fits alright.
Trudy Kockenlocker: Oh, phooey!

- Betty Hutton (as Trudy Kockenlocker) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)

Mr. Tuerck: Women are always trying to take the blame for men - it's what you call the mother instinct.

- Emory Parnell (as Mr. Tuerck) in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)