Mrs. Brummel: I am sick at my heart when my own son goes looking at dead women's naked bodies. I tell you Morris, it is no way to treat a lady.

- Eileen Heckart (as Mrs. Brummel) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

Mrs. Brummel: So where you going to take her?
Morris Brummel: Who?
Mrs. Brummel: Kate Palmer.
Morris Brummel: Nowhere.
Mrs. Brummel: Nowhere? That's a place, nowhere?
Morris Brummel: We're going to have dinner at her place.
Mrs. Brummel: You mean her own apartment?
Morris Brummel: That's right.
Mrs. Brummel: The two of you, alone?
Morris Brummel: Well, we were going to invite the strangler, but he couldn't make it.
Mrs. Brummel: Oh, sure, sure. Make fun. Ridicule.

- Eileen Heckart (as Mrs. Brummel) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

Mrs. Brummel: So, what do you, what do you do with her, go to mass?
Morris Brummel: No, we just... we walk and we talk.
Mrs. Brummel: Oh, please, please. I don't want to hear another word. Already I won't sleep another wink tonight. Please, don't say another word.
[pause]
Mrs. Brummel: Morris...
Morris Brummel: I thought you didn't want to hear any more?
Mrs. Brummel: Aw, you think I want to? You think I want... I'm in agony. I... I... It's my duty. Go on, go on.
Morris Brummel: Well, she... her, her name is Katherine. Katherine. Katherine Palmer.
Mrs. Brummel: Short, blonde, beautiful?
Morris Brummel: No, she's, er, she's, she's tall and er, she's only got one eye right in the middle of her forehead.
Mrs. Brummel: Of course. Of course. She'll break your heart!

- Eileen Heckart (as Mrs. Brummel) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

Mrs. Brummel: That girl is a gem! An absolute gem! And I'll tell you something else...
Morris Brummel: What?
Mrs. Brummel: She reminds me of me!

- Eileen Heckart (as Mrs. Brummel) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

Mrs. Brummel: You still don't have a diploma! Not to mention any grandchildren, which your brother Franklin has three already. Three grandchildren. What have I got from you but heartbreak?

- Eileen Heckart (as Mrs. Brummel) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

Kate Palmer: Are you tender, Morris? You can have me if you say "yes."

- Lee Remick (as Kate Palmer) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

Kate Palmer: Morris, look at this apartment! I love it! It's so Jewish!

- Lee Remick (as Kate Palmer) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

Morris Brummel: You look... you look very pretty.
Kate Palmer: I took two hours getting ready for this.
Morris Brummel: It looks... it looks natural!
Kate Palmer: That's why it took two hours! Getting dolled up is easy. Looking natural takes time.

- Lee Remick (as Kate Palmer) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

Sylvia Poppie: Is that one of your own wigs you're wearing?
Christopher Gill: You don't look like Cleopatra, honey.
Belle Poppie: Don't raise your voice!
Sylvia Poppie: You homo.
Christopher Gill: Doesn't mean you're a bad person.

- Rod Steiger (as Christopher Gill) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)

[Preparing to meet Morris' mother]
Kate Palmer: Do you love me?
Morris Brummel: Yes!
Kate Palmer: Desperately, madly?
Morris Brummel: Desperately, madly!
Kate Palmer: In that case, I can move mountains. Let's go.

- Lee Remick (as Kate Palmer) in No Way to Treat a Lady (1968)