Nestor Patou: Now I'm mad. Now I'm really mad. And when I'm mad, I'm like a tiger!

- Jack Lemmon (as Nestor Patou / Lord X) in Irma la Douce (1963)

Irma La Douce: A painter once lived here. Poor guy, he was starving. Tried everything, even cut his ear off.
Nestor Patou: Van Gogh?
Irma La Douce: No, I think his name was Schwartz.

- Shirley MacLaine (as Irma La Douce) in Irma la Douce (1963)

Irma La Douce: I once used to know a specialist, used to send some of his patients to me. All they needed was a little push.

- Shirley MacLaine (as Irma La Douce) in Irma la Douce (1963)

Irma La Douce: This is not just a job, it's a profession.

- Shirley MacLaine (as Irma La Douce) in Irma la Douce (1963)

Irma La Douce: Who wants to be a stray dog? You got to belong to someone, even if he kicks you once in a while.

- Shirley MacLaine (as Irma La Douce) in Irma la Douce (1963)

Irma La Douce: You know, I'm sort of glad about that girl in Dijon, with the cough.
Nestor Patou: You are?
Irma La Douce: Because frankly, in the police van I thought that you'd never in your life, uh...
Nestor Patou: Oh, she wasn't the only girl. I've had more than one girl.
Irma La Douce: How many?
Nestor Patou: Altogether? Oh, let me see...
Irma La Douce: Three?
Nestor Patou: Not as many as that.

- Jack Lemmon (as Nestor Patou / Lord X) in Irma la Douce (1963)

Irma La Douce: You oughta be ashamed of yourself, scaring a poor little dog like that.
Nestor Patou: They oughta take that dog away from you, you're not a fit mother.

- Jack Lemmon (as Nestor Patou / Lord X) in Irma la Douce (1963)