Quotes from Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Sgt. Heppelfinger: Look, I didn't get you in this.
Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Oh, yes you did. I was gonna hide in the...
Sgt. Heppelfinger: A Marine never hides. That's what Semper Fidelis means: it means "face the music".
Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Well, it does not. It happens to mean "always faithful".
Sgt. Heppelfinger: That's right. Faithful to your mother.
Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: It doesn't mean faithful to your mother at all. it means faithful to the Marines.

- Eddie Bracken (as Woodrow Truesmith) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Sgt. Heppelfinger: They say opportunity's only got one hair on his head and you gotta grab it while it's going by and dog it down or you mightn't get another chance.

- William Demarest (as Sgt. Heppelfinger) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Sgt. Heppelfinger: We're just a little bit short of cash, see...
Cafe Owner: Uh, uh.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: ...or I'd never make you this proposition.
Cafe Owner: Ho, ho.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: I was going to save it for the museum, see, but when you're out on a limb you gotta make sacrifices, that's all. You follow me?
Cafe Owner: I'm ahead of you.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: I'm gonna let you in on the ground floor of something very, very rare. You remember when General Yamatoho committed hari-kari?
Cafe Owner: Possibly.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: I happened to be very close by, see.
[winks, indicates he pulled out one of Yamatoho's teeth and shows the very large elk's tooth he got from one of the other Marines]
Cafe Owner: Big man, wasn't he?
Sgt. Heppelfinger: Immense! This is one of the rarest mementos...
Cafe Owner: [as he pulls a large Japanese flag out of his coat] You wouldn't like to buy the flag they buried him in, would you? I could let you have it very reasonable.
[pulls out another flag]
Cafe Owner: I have it in several sizes.
[begins to pull other items out of his coat pockets]
Cafe Owner: MacArthur's suspenders! The first bullet that landed in Pearl Harbor... you can take your pick. A piece of a Japanese submarine.
[turns the piece of metal over]
Cafe Owner: If you look at it this way it becomes a German submarine.
[turns the piece again]
Cafe Owner: And this way it's a piece of a shell that just missed Montgomery! Here we have the seat of Rommel's pants. And last, but not least, we have a button from Hitler's coat... although that one I don't personally believe.
Sgt. Heppelfinger: Wise guy.

- William Demarest (as Sgt. Heppelfinger) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Forrest Noble: If he waited a year longer, there might have been three of us to welcome him. If he waited two years, there might have been...
Libby: Oh, shut up.
Forrest Noble: Well, that's what marriage is for isn't it?
Libby: Oh, I suppose so, if you look at it from a purely unromantic standpoint - like a breeding farm.

- Ella Raines (as Libby) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Doc Bissell: [explaining to Woodrow that the town still wants him to run for mayor] Politics is a very peculiar thing, Woodrow. If they want you, they want you. They don't need reasons anymore... they find their own reasons. It's just like when a girl wants a man.
Libby: That's right. You don't need reasons. Although they're probably there.

- Ella Raines (as Libby) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Mrs. Noble: [to her son, Forrest, answering Libby's desire not to tell Woodrow that she's become engaged to Forrest] Why under similar circumstances I'd be perfectly willing to pretend I wasn't married to your father for several weeks even.
Mayor Everett D. Noble: You can make it for several months as far as I'm concerned. Heh!

- Raymond Walburn (as Mayor Noble) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Mrs. Noble: Everett, I just have a feeling you're going to make an ass of yourself and I'm just going to pretend I don't know you.
Mayor Everett D. Noble: I wish you didn't have to pretend!

- Raymond Walburn (as Mayor Noble) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: [after hearing that the town wants to build a statue of him] What do I do now?
Sgt. Heppelfinger: Well, you just let it blow over.
Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Did you ever see a statue blow over?

- Eddie Bracken (as Woodrow Truesmith) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: [eating pancakes for breakfast with the six Marines; Libby enters] Good morning, Libby. Won't you join us in a stack of collision mats - as they say in the good old Marine Corps. - and a cup of jamoke?

- Eddie Bracken (as Woodrow Truesmith) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: [referring to the band] Why don't they play something gay?
[meaning happy]
Bartender: Why don't you acquire a gay viewpoint. It's all mental - every bit of it. Smile and the world smiles with you. Frown and you frown alone.
Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: I'd just as soon be alone if it's the same to you.
Bartender: Gratitude.

- George Anderson (as Bartender) in Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)