Dr. Jimmy Nookey: Hmm. That's a good skeleton. Did the last doctor leave it here?
Gladstone Screwer: That is the last doctor.

- Sid James in Carry On Again Doctor (1969)

Ellen Moore: I feel wonderful Mr Carver, I had no idea having one's appendix out could be so exhilarating. I feel ten years younger.
Frederick Carver: Splendid! Splendid!
Ellen Moore: Be honest now. Do I really look like a woman of forty?
Frederick Carver: You really feel as young as that?
Ellen Moore: No, that's what I am!

- Joan Sims in Carry On Again Doctor (1969)

Gladstone Screwer: I'll call you "Sunday".
Matron: Well, I won't be in.

- Hattie Jacques in Carry On Again Doctor (1969)

Gladstone Screwer: You don't have to move out, you know. It's a big bed.
Matron: Well as I told you earlier today, I'm not your sort of woman.
Gladstone Screwer: I don't mean anything nasty. I'll marry you first.
Matron: Marry me? Are you mad? Marry me in the middle of the night?
Gladstone Screwer: Where I come from it's a very simple ceremony.
[He produced a knife. Matron screams]
Gladstone Screwer: It's all right, nothing to worry about. We just make a quick cut in each other's left hand, put them together, say "We are one" and it's all legal.
Matron: Oh... I see... sort of instant wedlock?
Gladstone Screwer: That's it. Only out there they call it a bleedin' ceremony.
Matron: Yes, they often call it that here too.
Gladstone Screwer: Right, are you ready then?
Matron: No! I have no urge to marry you.
Gladstone Screwer: Oh, don't worry about that. The urge comes later!

- Sid James in Carry On Again Doctor (1969)