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[discussing the body count]
Dr. Einstein: You got twelve, they got twelve. [angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie] Jonathan Brewster: I've got thirteen! Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny, twelve - don't brag. Jonathan Brewster: Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona... Dr. Einstein: Phoenix? Jonathan Brewster: The filling station... Dr. Einstein: Filling station? Oh! [slits throat] Dr. Einstein: Yes. Jonathan Brewster: Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. That makes thirteen. Dr. Einstein: You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia! Jonathan Brewster: He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him! Dr. Einstein: No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!
-
Peter Lorre
(as Dr. Einstein)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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Raymond Massey
(as Jonathan Brewster)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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[speaking of a character in a play he has seen]
Mortimer Brewster: He sits there *waiting* to be tied up and gagged! [laughs] Mortimer Brewster: The big dope!
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Cary Grant
(as Mortimer Brewster)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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[to Mortimer]
Elaine Harper: We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to kill me. A taxi is waiting and now you want to sleep on a window seat. You can take the honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, your window seat, and put 'em in a barrel and push 'em all over Niagara Falls!
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Priscilla Lane
(as Elaine Harper)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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Aunt Martha:
For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.
Mortimer Brewster: Hmm. Should have quite a kick.
-
Cary Grant
(as Mortimer Brewster)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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Aunt Abby Brewster:
Just the thought of Jonathan frightens me. Do you remember how he used to cut worms in two with his teeth?
Mortimer Brewster: Oh, Jonathan? He's probably in prison or hanged or something by now.
-
Cary Grant
(as Mortimer Brewster)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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Martha Brewster:
[about the men they have poisoned] Let me see, now. This is eleven, isn't it, Abby?
Abby Brewster: Oh, no, dear. This makes twelve. Martha Brewster: Abby, dear. I think you're wrong. This one is only eleven. Abby Brewster: No, dear, because I remember when Mr. Hoskins first came in, it occurred to me that he'd make just an even dozen. Martha Brewster: But, Abby, dear. I really don't think you should count the first one. Abby Brewster: Oh, I was counting the first one, and that makes it twelve. Martha Brewster: It does? Well, she's probably right. Abby usually is. I get them mixed up sometimes. Mortimer Brewster: Makes it twelve? Twelve.
-
Cary Grant
(as Mortimer Brewster)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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Elaine Harper:
[Mortimer is feeling amorous in the cemetery with Elaine] Mortimer! Right out here in the open with everyone looking?
Mortimer Brewster: Yes, right out here in the open with everyone looking. Let everyone in Brooklyn over sixteen look!
-
Cary Grant
(as Mortimer Brewster)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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Elaine Harper:
Now, wait a minute! Listen! You can't marry me one minute and throw me out of the house the next.
Mortimer Brewster: I am not throwing you out of the house, I am not throwing you out of the house! Will you get out of here? [pushes her out and slams the door; Mr. Gibbs is standing on the porch holding a newspaper] Elaine Harper: Mortimer! Mortimer Brewster: [picks up the phone] I'm sorry, Judge. But a thing happened. Look, Judge... About Teddy... you see, he's... Elaine Harper: Mortimer! Mortimer Brewster: [into the phone] You see, Judge, it's his bugle blowing. Yes, the neighbors have been complaining, and the police are all set to throw him into a state institution. Elaine Harper: How do you like that... Mr. Gibbs: I read an ad here about a room to rent... Elaine Harper: Oh, shut up!
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Priscilla Lane
(as Elaine Harper)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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Teddy Brewster:
[His first line] I must be catching cold.
Abby Brewster: No, dear, it was Reverend Harper who sneezed.
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Josephine Hull
(as Abby Brewster)
in
Arsenic and Old Lace
(1944)
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