Capt. Bonney: If I weren't a pirate I'd cry.

- Charles Laughton (as Capt. William Kidd) in Abbott and Costello Meet Captain Kidd (1952)

Capt. William Kidd: I hate fat men!
Capt. Bonney: But you're a fat man.
Capt. William Kidd: I hate myself too!

- Charles Laughton (as Capt. William Kidd) in Abbott and Costello Meet Captain Kidd (1952)