Albert Amundsen: ...after I leave here... from this place... from your mind. And regardless of what you think of me...
Murray Burns: I think you're a dirty O.W.
Albert Amundsen: [slight pause] And do you know what you are? Maladjusted!
Murray Burns: Ooh!
[strikes heart and sinks to the floor]

- Jason Robards (as Murray) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)

Albert Amundsen: Miss Markowitz did not show up in Queens yesterday.
Murray Burns: So?
Albert Amundsen: Her parents are quite upset. I am quite upset. Where is she?
Murray Burns: She's hiding in the closet.
Albert Amundsen: We're really all quite anxious to know where she is.
Murray Burns: Well, I'm not kidding, Albert. She's in the closet.
Albert Amundsen: [Goes to closet, opens door, looks in, closes door, walks back] She is in the closet.
Murray Burns: I wouldn't lie to you, Albert.
Albert Amundsen: Why is she in the closet?
Murray Burns: Well, I don't know. She's got this thing about closets.
Albert Amundsen: That's a very silly thing for her to be in that closet.
Murray Burns: Well, don't knock it until you've tried it.

- Jason Robards (as Murray) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)

Albert Amundsen: You are not a person, Mr. Burns. You are an experience!

- William Daniels (as Albert) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)

Leo: There's the little guy. I've got a Chuckles statue for you.
Nick: Thank you, Mr. Herman. Imagine how pleased I am to receive it.

- Barry Gordon (as Nick Burns / Wilbur Malcome Burns / Theodore Burns / Raphael Sabatini / Dr. Morris Fishbein / Woodrow Burns / Chevrolet Burns / Big Sam Burns / Lefty Burns) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)

Arnold Burns: Murray, you've got a rotten reputation. Even these guys weren't easy to grab. Why do you have to build your own personal blacklist? Why can't you just get blacklisted as a Communist like everybody else?

- Martin Balsam (as Arnold) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)

Murray Burns: [answers phone] Hello, is this someone with good news or money? No? Goodbye!
[hangs up]

- Jason Robards (as Murray) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)

Murray Burns: [Leans out his apartment window] This is your neighbor speaking. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that something must be done about your garbage cans in the alley here.
[raises voice]
Murray Burns: It is definitely second-rate garbage. Now, by next week I want to see a better class of garbage, more empty champagne bottles and caviar cans! I'm sure you're all behind me on this. So let's snap it up and get on the ball!

- Jason Robards (as Murray) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)

Murray Burns: [Takes off his hat] Sandy, I... I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
[Sandra doesn't respond]
Murray Burns: Well, damn it, lady, that was a beautiful apology. I mean, you gotta love a guy who can apologize so nice. I rehearsed for over an hour. Aw, Sandy, that's the most you should expect from life, a really good apology for all the things you won't get.

- Jason Robards (as Murray) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)

Murray Burns: Better go to your room.
Nick: This is a one-room apartment.
Murray Burns: OK, then go to your alcove.

- Jason Robards (as Murray) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)

Murray Burns: Five months ago I was on the subway on my way to work, was sitting on the express same as every morning looking out the window watching the local stops go by in the dark with an empty head and my arms folded, not feeling great, not feeling rotten, just not feeling. And for a minute I couldn't remember, I didn't know, unless I really concentrated, whether it was a Tuesday or a Thursday or a... for a minute it could have been any day, Arn.
[Stands up]
Murray Burns: I gotta know what day it is. I gotta know what's the name of the game and what the rules are without anyone else telling me. You gotta own your own days and name 'em, each one of 'em, every one of 'em, or else the years go right by and none of them belong to you. And that ain't just for weekends, kiddo.

- Jason Robards (as Murray) in A Thousand Clowns (1965)