Maximillan 'Max' Carey: Let me give you a tip about Hollywood. Always keep your sense of humor then you can't miss.
Mary Evans: Don't worry about me. I got a great sense of humor.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey: Good. I'll give you my private telephone number. It's... oh well I've forgotten it, but it doesn't matter. You'll find it listed in the book under the name of my Chinese cook, Hip Sing Lung. You think I'm screwy don't you?
Mary Evans: No. I know you're screwy.

Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: Of course you know Miss Evans, I'm writing a series of articles on the love lives of picture stars and I want your love life for the April number.
Lonny Borden: You want what?
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: Now of course you don't mind answering just a few intimate questions. Of course I know you married for love. But was it the thoughtful reasoning kind or was it the blind passionate ummmmph kind?
Mary Evans: Well I don't know. I suppose it was the...
Lonny Borden: Well I should say it was the, uh, ummmmph kind!
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: That's good! Now are you planning on having a family?
Mary Evans: I hope to some day.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: Oh how sweet. How interesting. Have you seperate bedrooms?
Mary Evans: No.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: Oh I must have a photograph of your bedroom! Now Miss Evans, tell me, just how far do you think a wife should go to keep a husband's love?
Mary Evans: Well I know I'd go a long way myself.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: And what do you think a husband should do to keep a wife's love, Mr. Borden?
Lonny Borden: I really haven't the faintest idea. Suppose you tell me!
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: Oh oh oh. I've never been a husband. That reminds me. Have you a photograph showing your marvelous physique?
Lonny Borden: No but I have my appendix in the other room in a bottle. Perhaps you'd like to photograph that!
[Lonny gets up and exits]
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: Has he gone to get it?
Mary Evans: No, uh, I, I don't think so, ummm.

Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: Oh how do you do?
Mary Evans: How do you do Miss DuPont?
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: My what a lovely place!
Mary Evans: This is my husband.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: How do you do Mr. Borden?
Lonny Borden: How do you do.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: I didn't dream you were so handsome. What a pair of lovers! Oh I must have a photograph of you looking at each other just like that.
Mary Evans: Well, let's sit down.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer: Thank you.
Mary Evans: Come on Lonny.
[Mary grabs Lonny's arm and pulls him down to sit]

Maximillan 'Max' Carey: Say, do you think I'm doing this because I like it! How about you forget your husband for a few minutes and we might be able to finish this scene and go home.
Lonny Borden: Oh, it too late for the theater now anyhow.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey: Or you stand the chance of seeing the last act. Might do her some good to see a competent actress.
Mary Evans: Say!
Lonny Borden: Is it necessary to insult Miss Evans Mr. Carey?
Maximillan 'Max' Carey: Outsiders are not allowed on the set. Why don't you let me direct Miss Evans and you be... Mr. Evans.
Mary Evans: That'll be enough tonight Max. Come on Lonny!

[last lines]
Lonny Borden: Oh Mary? Aren't you going to say hello?
Mary Evans: How'd you find us?
Lonny Borden: Detectives. I kidnapped Jackie because I realized I'd never be able to get in to see you any other way.
Mary Evans: Why'd you come?
Lonny Borden: Well among other things, I've a rather important mesage here from Mr. Saxe. I'll read it. "Dear Mary. Just bought a new story. It'd make a good comeback for you. You go to prison for the man you love. Exhibiters interested. Mother and I send love. Julius Saxe." There is a p.s.
[he turns the message over and pretends to read a p.s]
Lonny Borden: "You better re-marry Lonny Borden. He adores you, he always has, cause he realizes that he isn't good enough for you but he'll do anything if you only take him back." It's true. Honest and a whole lot more!
Mary Evans: Then... than you didn't go to Hollywood just to take Jackie from me?
Lonny Borden: Well of course not dear. I came out to help if you needed it.
Mary Evans: Oh Lonny.
Lonny Borden: Let's have dinner together tonight, huh? There's a hotel here with a magnificent main dining room, a thirty piece orchestra, orchids.
Mary Evans: Suppose I said no?
Lonny Borden: Well you know what happened last time.
Mary Evans: Lonny!