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How to Commit Marriage Overview:

How to Commit Marriage (1969) was a Comedy - Romance Film directed by Norman Panama and produced by Bill Lawrence.

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How to Commit Marriage Quotes:

Lois Grey: Mrs. Benson, you're husband is a very attractive man, but just for the record I'm not in the habit of meeting a gentleman in his office at one o'clock and sleeping with him in his bed at three thirty.
Elaine Benson: I never accused you of sleeping with a gentleman.
Oliver Poe: [enters office followed by auditioning hippy band, removes his ear plugs, and points to studio room door] What idiot group is in here?
Poe's Secretary: The new one, The Comfortable Chair.
Oliver Poe: I got to get me one of those.
[enters studio room]
Oliver Poe: Wait a minute! What are you doing? Number one it sounds like music. I understand every word you're saying. Come on get with it!
Frank Benson: [meeting Poe for the first time in church] I'm in real estate.
Oliver Poe: But not deep enough. I have a horrible feeling we've met before. Does 7719 Hillside Drive mean anything to you?
Frank Benson: Isn't that a three bedroom, hillside colonial with patio, wet bar, and over-sized bay window? Nothing personal.
Oliver Poe: Tee-hee. You forgot to mention the hill in the back and the guaranteed retaining wall.
Frank Benson: Yeah, well... I sell so many, I forget the details.
Oliver Poe: Twenty thousand tons of mud in a swimming isn't exactly a detail!
[grabs Benson's arm]
Oliver Poe: The house was on a hill until it rained then the hill was on the house.
[shouts]
Oliver Poe: That was twenty years ago and they're still digging to find the backyard.
Frank Benson: Lower your voice, Poe. This is a church not a street corner.
Oliver Poe: Don't look down your nose at me you pompous, pious, prick. If I had known she was your daughter we wouldn't be standing here in two rented mummy suits waiting to sacrifice two nice kids on the alter of same ancient fertility rite.
David Poe: Oliver, Nancy and I are going to get married.
Nancy Benson: We love each other, Mr. Poe.
Oliver Poe: That's Victorian bourgeois. I'll prove it you.
[calls mistress on speaker phone]
Oliver Poe: Laverne, are we sleeping together?
Laverne Baker: Yes, Oliver.
Oliver Poe: Do we love each other? Are we married?
Laverne Baker: Yes, dear. No, dear.
Oliver Poe: [disconnects speaker phone] Case closed.
Oliver Poe: [spots the recently divorced Benson's with their respective dates, at his standing room only nightclub, dressed like hippies] Well, look who just came in... split-city. I think I'll go over and deflate some egos.
Laverne Baker: Now, Oliver, don't cause any trouble.
Oliver Poe: [with glee] Me? Trouble? Preposterous!
Oliver Poe: [walks over to Benson's table] Who are you supposed to be Sambo's mother?
Frank Benson: Look Flabberino, why don't you leave and make room for like six more tables?
Oliver Poe: Sold any mud, lately? Well, well, well. One big happy family. I don't get it.
[points to the ex-Mrs. Benson]
Oliver Poe: You're with him.
[points to Lois' breasts]
Oliver Poe: And he's with those... I mean, her.
Frank Benson: Back up Moby Dick, how would you like your flab parted in the front, too.
Oliver Poe: I'm getting out of here before I punch a senior citizen in the snoot.
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How to Commit Marriage Facts
This movie is the film debut of the California progressive psychedelic hippie band "The Comfortable Chair", recording artists on CBS-Ode Records, whose six band members appear as themselves in the movie. They were discovered and produced by John Densmore and Robby Krieger of famous rock band The Doors. They are: Bernie Schwartz - lead vocals, Barbara Wallace - lead vocals, Gene Garfin - lead guitar, Gary Davis - bass guitar, Greg LeRoy - drums & percussion, and Tad Barczak - synthesizer & piano keyboards.
Last theatrical movie appearance of Jane Wyman.
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