Dexter Franklin: Hi, Mr. Archer.
Harry P. Archer: Oh ...
Dexter Franklin: This is tomorrow.
Harry P. Archer: I'll make a note of that fact on my calender.
Mrs. Janet Archer: Do you mind, Dexter, we're awfully busy.
Dexter Franklin: But you promised to talk to me about the blackmail today.
Harry P. Archer: At this moment there is nothing in the world I'd be willing to talk to you about. Now get out!
Dexter Franklin: Holy cow!

Kenneth Marquis: [to Mr. Archer] Cheer up, old fellow. If providence should bless you with a grandson, we'll call the little stinker Harry P. Marquis.

Uncle George: The groom usually has a father or brother stand up with him. Have you any close relatives who might - ?
Kenneth Marquis: One of my ex-wives?
Uncle George: Hardly. Let's get on with it. Louise. Uh, dearly beloved, we are gathered, um, so on and so on. To join together this man and this woman, and so on and so on. Well, there's no use going any further with this part of the rehearsal.
Kenneth Marquis: Certainly not on my behalf. I know it by heart.

Taylor: If I were Archer, I'd be after you with a shotgun!
Kenneth Marquis: Well, a shotgun is customary only in cases where the bridegroom is unwilling. I, on the other hand, am panting with eagerness. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Taylor: Humph! One slip up and you're the formerly wealthy Mr. Marquis. Aside from Archer, your stockholders won't stand for any more escapades in court.
Kenneth Marquis: [phone buzzes] Yeah? It's Pop. Probably wants another retraction. Hello, Pop. This is Sonny. Oh! Language! I don't know why you're so upset. Everyone knows that young love is, um, impetuous. Oh, please, Daddy Dear. I seem to notice a certain beligerence in your tone. You what? Consent? What? When? Oh, I see. You do? Oh, you don't. You will? Who? Me? Oh.
[hangs up phone]
Kenneth Marquis: I'm about to become a husband.

Harry P. Archer: I wondered who rang. Oh, that's nice. Who sent it? Uncle George? Mmm. Good.
Mildred: Kenneth Marquis!
Harry P. Archer: Kenneth - Let me see that!
[Reading tag]
Harry P. Archer: "May this brighten a youth blighted by parental stupidity and miserlyness. Kenneth Marquis." He did that to annoy me. I'll - I'll throw it out!
Corliss Archer: Oh, Daddy, you can't!
Mrs. Janet Archer: What's wrong?
Harry P. Archer: That - that pinhead, that lowdown, shockworn Casanova Marquis sent Corliss this box of candy!
Corliss Archer: Daddy says I can't keep it!
Mrs. Janet Archer: Why Harry, why on earth - Kenneth Marquis? Sending candy to Corliss?
Corliss Archer: Well, you see Mom -
Harry P. Archer: Corliss had nothing to do with it. He's trying to irritate me by showing me up as a cheapskate.
Mrs. Janet Archer: Well, if Miss Corliss had nothing to do with Mr. Marquis, I don't think it would hurt if she ate the candy.
Corliss Archer: Look, Mom.
Mrs. Janet Archer: Well, anyway, you can't return it with a piece missing.
Corliss Archer: Oh, Daddy ate that piece.